So it’s Tuesday, at the bar, all you can drink for $5 night- at the time. I was going through a two month dry spell, and decided to get wasted with my roommate JP.  Near closing time, I meet an Amazonian woman (at least 6’0” tall) named Jess.  As soon as we start talking, my pal JP sneaks up behind her and starts making all these crazy faces, like this girl is kind of rough- abort, abort!  He has seen my wasted-ness so many times, he knows exactly which way this is going.  Jess and I share several random make-out sessions in the open courtyard of the bar, and so the lights are turning on to kick us all out, I invite her back to the house.  JP tries one more time on my way to the bathroom to talk some sense into me, to no avail; by now she is being known as a wildebeest that I should leave in the wild.

So we head back to the house, I drink another shot before bed, so my experience with this girl is not memorable, and it’s on to the main event.  So we have sex, but it sucked because Jess was way too drunk, and I am probably not drunk enough. What bad judgment I have!

The next morning, I sneak out of my room and realize I have a major problem. JP has the only car- he has rarely let me borrow.   I tap him on the shoulder, he is almost passed out sleeping on the toilet with the seat up…beautious!  So I rattle him, and ask him for his keys- he won’t lend me the car.

I say fine, then your driving her home yourself.  I’ll drive you and the wildebeest to her house for the drop off he says. I am wondering whether the rest of the sorority is this ugly? It doesn’t seem possible. We both go to drop her off.

The entire week, Jordan proceeds to tell every friend we come in contact with about my little secret love match, and is just beside himself on humiliating me.

The following week, same bar.  JP spots the wildebeest and immediately eggs me on to see if she will be coming home tonight. I try to laugh, and think HELL NO. End of the night rolls around, sure enough, we wind up in a conversation. I invite her back to the pad, same bat channel, this time our buddy Flynt is with us. So I play love connection with her and my friends. First I am trying to get her and Flynt going, but this girl is 6’0, and Flynt is about 5’8. Apparently, wildebeests don’t like shorter fellas; but I think she was a more angry about the situation, so she snubbed him. Flynt goes home, conceding loss for the night.

I close and lock my door to my room, leaving ole’ wildebeest with JP, telling them I am going to sleep. I come out about 20 minutes later, and I see them getting comfy on the couch….I can almost taste the victory if JP should fall to the dark side.

So Jordan wakes me in the morning, and insists I take a drive with them for the drop off. It would be my pleasure!  As we leave the complex, headed up the road, I can’t help but breaking into hysterical laughter because of the whole situation; JP and his wildebeest join me for about 5 minutes until she gets out of the car.